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Wednesday, October 21st, 2009
3:32 pm
So school and work are doing great, I honestly couldn’t be happier. Its weird not coming home every night, I mean when I stayed at Steve’s in Bethpage, I was only there a few nights during the week. But I basically live in the DP apartment. It’s hard sometimes because I have to stay on the LIE for 2 extra exits when I’m stuck in rush hour traffic, and it gets a little frustrating. But the worst part is that I always find my self always being on the run, so I never take a look around to stop and smell the roses, even though I try.

It’s hard going home and seeing that there is a new next door neighbor. It’s also weird seeing my room so clean. It was my room for 20 years, and now its basically a spare, along with my sister’s when she’s away at school. I have to say though, that I do enjoy being on my own and having complete independence from my parents. I pay for most of my expenses (but they’ll be cutting me loose once I graduate and get a decent full-time job somewhere), and its just really nice to not be “controlled” by anyone. I suppose this is what adulthood is all about, but as confident and independent as I am, it’s hard not to have any emotional attachments to the place where I grew up.

Being in Bethpage was a good “in between” step to finally gaining independence from my family, and it was close enough to Farmingdale that I could go home at any time, and there would be no excuses to occasionally stop by on my way home from work in Melville. But now that I’m working in Westbury, going to school in Old Westbury, and sleeping in Deer Park, its almost impossible to fit Farmingdale in there without leaving work early or not going to the radio station once a week.

I have to admit it is also pretty weird going back to Farmingdale and seeing how some things have changed, but living in DP is pretty interesting. It’s almost like a culture shock because Farmingdale and Bethpage are so “Quaker” as opposed to the DPA area. It doesn’t bother me much really, if anything it makes things interesting.

Pathetic, I know, especially when I now live only 20 minutes from Farmingdale. But it’s that tease when I’m on the highway when I see the exit for route 110 or the SOB, I just have to keep on going, and that’s gets me. But frankly, living with Steve is great, and we have awesome times together. It’s like having my best friend and my boyfriend as my roommate, and that is something that makes all the negatives go away, because at the end of the day, I am with the one I love… and that’s pretty much all that matters.

current music: [the helio sequence] keep your eyes ahead]

(and my heart stays in the lead)

Monday, March 2nd, 2009
10:40 am - the prodigy is back.
there's over a foot of snow outside my house. wtf who ever thought the meteorologists would ever be right?

current mood: cold
current music: [el ten eleven] jumping frenchmen of maine]

(2last stretches | and my heart stays in the lead)

Saturday, January 24th, 2009
7:38 pm - so sick so sick of being tired and oh so tired of being sick...
blaaaaah.

so i'm home tonight after struggling all day with a lingering hangover that just won't give me peace. even though last night was a lot of fun considering i saw a bunch of kids from high school that i hadn't seen in awhile, it also had its awkwardness (but luckily that ended 15 minutes after jamiek, ayesha&i walked into the motel room). i kind of wished we stayed longer considering it was justinian's birthday and all, but it started to get a little packed and jamiek wanted to go to deer park and visit her new boytoy (who was pretty chill after he had a few beers in him). but regardless it was a pretty good night until i got home at 2 and spent two hours with my head in the garbage pail. i hadn't been so sick since i was a "college girl" at pace. but i wasn't too upset about it because frankly, i did it to myself. i violated the cardinal rule of drinking that i totally forgot about considering i hadn't been out drinking in about a year

'beer before liquor, never sicker'.

and damn, i am a sucker.

it was one of those moments where the phrase 'fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" came in handy so i just tied my hair back and took it as it came. i initially learned my lesson once before after drinking one stella followed by a long island iced tea and ended up puking outside biddy's, and i never thought i'd forget it. but i suppose getting old doesn't necesarily make you wiser, but instead more forgetful. at the motel i had two pbrs followed by 3 cosmos at ruby', along with a total of three left over low-dosage percosets from my wisdom teeth extraction two weeks ago. i'm suprised that i even held out as long as i did and i didn't make a fool of myself in public. but i didn't even feel as "fucked up" as i thoguht i would, until i was in bed and felt like i was in a boat that was about to capsize.

maybe i should just stick to smoking reefer.

current mood: sick
current music: [cut copy] live]

(3last stretches | and my heart stays in the lead)

Sunday, December 14th, 2008
3:29 pm - i saw the scene unfold...
last night while i was hanging out with justin, we randomly threw on some boys night out and it made me realize how much i miss the scene.

everything was much more simpler, and even though everybody was like into their stupid little hxc dancing routines at shows, you pretty much find the same thing in the indie scene with the "jogging in place" or "i'm too cool to dance" moves. but one thing that was different between the two is that i felt like the scene had more of a sense of unity wheras everyone in the indie/hipster scene tries to be better than one another.

one thing i found really astounding was when i was at a house party in levittown with my ex a few years ago, and somebody threw on taking back sunday and everyone, and i mean everyone in the house was singing. preps, goths, stoners, indies, and even the white kids trying to be black knew ALL the words.

but i feel like in this day and age its more about who looks the dirtiest, who is the highest level of vegetarian/vegan, who can look the poorest while spending hundreds of dollars on each outfit with mommy and daddy's credit cards. it lacks any sense of unity because everyone is trying so hard to stand out from the pack but looks more of a douchebag while doing it. i miss the simplicity of the scene and just going out in a hoodie, jeans and vans, and genuinely enjoying the music instead of putting up a front so you can elevate your status among the indie/hipster higharchy that exists today.  i mean who really cares at this point. and some who have transformed from "scene" to "indie/hipster" find shame in their past, in their black hoodies, in their vans, in their heavy guitar riffs.

well i'm here to admit that i do miss my "screamo", emocore, hxc, past and even though my music appreciation has risen and my exposure to new and different genres have broaden my horizons over the years, i will never forget my past and my passion for music. its okay to grow up and let your musical taste evolve, but its not okay to be ashamed of your beginnings. i hope more of you follow suit.

current mood: congested
current music: [boys night out] the first time it shouldn't taste like blood]

(9last stretches | and my heart stays in the lead)

Sunday, November 30th, 2008
5:41 pm - slow ride, take it easy....
soooooooooooo al&i woke up at 6am friday morning and ventured off to target to see if we could find some DEALS. we were wandering around and while people were standing on rediculous lines to get guitar hero out of the showcase, there was one randomly shelved in the linens section. it was sort of like finding a magic easter egg.... that only cost $60 bones. so! our original plan was to just put it in the cart and make people jealous that we had it, and then we ended up buying it. guitar hero world tour was ours, and we didn't feel any gayer.

so that night we played for awhile and eventually we started career mode. we earned the gig with all three tool songs but it cost 8k to play, and we only had something miniscule like 2k, so the following day we played for 4 hours and finally got to play our tool.

this morning we beat the game.

the fact that i even had to explain this on my livejournal and you're reading it means only one thing...



and al got a dirt devel for 30 bucks.

current mood: unproductive
current music: [smashing pumpkins] ava adore]

(and my heart stays in the lead)

Monday, November 24th, 2008
7:11 pm - christmas list


well this year money is tight in my family, (as well as many americans across the country) so my christmas list is short and sweet, (not that any of you are going to buy me anything, but i'm sure some of you will sneak a peek at this out of curiosity)

 

greed )


my winter shade (medium golden)


old navy bag that keeps stalking me.


leader gloves.


our very own channukkah bush (which is coming next week, yaysome!)

and a coat from target that i can't find online wtf yo.



and of course world peace..... yeah right.

 

 



current mood: okay
current music: [anthony green] she loves me so (demo)]

(1last stretch | and my heart stays in the lead)

6:17 pm - why did you come along, if it wasn't for me?

mmm i love writing in this thing.

i took a quick powernap just now for a little energy. it was enough for me to add some new buttons to my accumulating collection from cheap cardigans and deep american folk-ish shirts. some relatives are coming up from florida starting black friday, and my mom seems to have misplaced steve's pillows. she's very good at making things disappear, but not in a good way. but considering i only sleep here around twice a week, it shouldn't really bother me, right?

i'm kind of putting off a paper that needs to be written for my history class by writing in this journal. i've been meaning to create a list of things i hate since i've been in such a negative mood since hmmm, well since i started baruch, which makes it almost 3 months now? it'll probably be a continuing list but i suppose i'll start it now... (and baruch college is above number one, but obviously that goes unmentioned)

1. tourists in midtown
2. intended christmas presents that are out of stock
3. undocumented illegal immigrants
4. people who support obama but don't know why
5. stupid truckdrivers that like to plow through little white mustangs
6. taxes
7. union workers (NOT ALL) that complain too much, enough to drive down industries
...... and thats all i've got for now. but the list goes on, in my head, and later in my livejournal.

so i recently downloaded anthony green's avalon album and its actually not bad. being an anthony green fan since he was in that cute little group called saosin made me rather nastolgic this weekend. i gave steve some tracks from the album thinking he would hate it cuz his voice is rediculously high pitched and nasal, but to my suprise he actually enjoyed it very much, which led me to give him a tutorial of anthony green's carreer. as lame as it was of me to do that, steve actually seemed to appreciate it, which made me very happy. even though he might not have enjoyed every little project he did, it still made me glad to know that he cares enough to even listen, (not that he never usually listens, but its just me reminissing on my teenage years). regardless, anthony green, you've still got the groove.

current mood: okay
current music: [koushik] be with]

(1last stretch | and my heart stays in the lead)

Thursday, November 20th, 2008
10:22 am - see me change, changes are no good...


i am sick to my stomach, baruch has once again fucked me over.

i'm so tired of this school just like fucking around with transfer students, like are you kidding me? just relaaaaaaaaax i mean we're just transfers and just because you want your money doesn't mean you need to penalize us. its so lame i'm very frustrated.

i'm also quite frustrated with myself because right now i am failing philosophy. its an ETHICS course wtf how can anyone fail ethics? well i can. because the squiggly armed professor of mine is a fucking retard. i mean not to place all the blame on him, i deserve to fail, but now i'm realizing that i really can't afford to. i need to speak with him today, the withdraw date was last week, and if he wasn't so lazy he would've given us our tests back so we can decide wheather to withdraw or not. but as of now its a very long drawn out process. i don't know what do do its just like so stressful and its making me sick again like i was in the beginning of the semester ugh. fucking baruch man, don't ever transfer there. i wish ncc was a four year school omgggggg.

anyway, now i have to study for my stupid computer test for a class that didn't transfer over from pace. arghhhhhh



current mood: angry
current music: [erlend oye] the talk]

(and my heart stays in the lead)

Monday, November 17th, 2008
6:58 pm - we are as one, and one is all we are...
wow, i can't believe i haven't posted since JUNE. its absolutely rediculous because so much has happened since then.

i started at baruch college, and let me tel you, its been a nightmare all semester, between getting credits to transfer over and just the overall environment of the school. baruch also caused me to get physically ill because of the anxiety it gave me. i also really hated being caucasian and a minority at the school, only a small percentage (or so it seems) is only white. i mean hell, i'm half spanish, but i wouldn't even consider myself that at baruch. but its just sort of uncomfortable for me as racist as it seems. its just not what i've been used to my whole life, but its something i probably should adapt to considering my major is in human resources.

but things are finally starting to pan out, i definitely have to stay an extra semester at baruch due to my retardedness in math but what are you going to do. the next two semesters are going to be rediculously lax, 13 credits each, just to keep my health insurance. but after that its go time, i have to max out and take all my MGT classes all at once. so we'll see how that goes, hopefully i'll be alive by then.

regardless, life has been okay, steven is wonderful. i feel like we're married, its such a weird feeling. we're always together and spend every free moment with each other, and since he got his new apartment, my home has been secondary. he got a full sized mattress so we can comfortably sleep together, and i even cook dinner for him. but at the same time its a lot more than that. spiritually and morally we are basically on the same level, and we hardly ever fight. like i've said before, he is my pal who i eat, sleep and drink with. i mean, i suppose being pre-enganged means something, but we are definitely the doug and carrie we never thought we'd be. but i'm not complaining.

current mood: good
current music: [kings of convenience] love is no big truth]

(3last stretches | and my heart stays in the lead)

Thursday, June 12th, 2008
1:44 pm - we are your friends, you'll never be alone again well, come on...

i am watching fuse for the first time in years. i just so conveniently tuned in just as the smashing pumpkins loaded segment came on. i've always liked smashing pumpkins, but i never really took the time to watch their hit videos in their entirety, and i have to hand it to them, i really enjoyed tonight tonight now that i'm seeing it at an older age, its quite a beautiful video. 1979 is also a really great video that i never really thought much of before. its so weird how these videos were made when i was a kid, yet the 90s felt so long ago. 

anyway, steve has been back home for two weeks! its so wonderful to have him here again, every day he's here is a blessing. we're doing everything we used to do, and the beautiful weather is here to help. after i go pick him up from work i think we're going to hop in the pool to try to help him get rid of the mountain of knots on his thigh. my poor baby, he really did suffer so much.

i have an internship in the city at some small recruiting firm. things are really unorganized there and i don't really like it too much so i'm going to try to send out my resumee a little more just to see what else i can find. but yeah my old job laid me off after 5 years of loyal service. its really lame, they didn't even give me a severance package and they're a fortune 500. total bummer. plus i don't even qualify for a stimulus check so i'm BROKE as shit, its not even funny. especially with gas approaching new highs every day, its no wonder this economy is in a flop. 

i can't believe how rediculously fat my cat is, like he is seriously obese. he snores almost as loud as a human and he actually stops breathing for a period of time as he sleeps, he's got a pretty bad case of sleep apnea if i do say so (you know, with all my respiratory expertise and whatnot). i'm looking at him right now and like he's just one big orange blob of blubber. maybe because we feed him meals instead of just leaving a plate of food out to nibble on all day. 2 meals a day plus cat nip and a lack of exercize will probably do that to you. stupid asthmatic cat. i'm almost tempted to take him to synergy with me. meeeeeeeow.



current mood: good
current music: [walter meego] romantic]

(2last stretches | and my heart stays in the lead)

Thursday, May 15th, 2008
9:16 am - sing me a sad song cause thats what i want to hear, i want you to make me cry.

i just finished up my human sexuality final in like 20 minutes, i doubt anybody in that class actually studied but i did put time aside to look at my notes last night. i think i might go hiome and hang out with my mom or something, i have no idea why she's home in the first place. but i suppose its better than wasting my time vp-ing it up at the wall street club where we do absolutely nothing and everyone there is loud and obnoxious(well at least one girl is) but what are you going to do.

i have my environmental final at 1 so it would make sense for me to go home for a couple of hours right? maybe i'll ask mom if she wants to get breakfast with me who knows.

anyway today is d-day for steve, he's coming back down to see the surgeon(but i won't get to see him). i'm pretty sure evertyhing is going to be okay with him medically. i'm starting to get really aggitated with the situation. i mean it never fails, only a couple more weeks until he's back here and now is when i'm actually feeling the effects. i've been feeling really annoyed the past couple of days, probably because i'm pissed about taking summer calc and also because i'm probably getting laid off i nthe next few weeks so that really really sucks. plus i'm starting to get pissed at the fact that steve is pretty much "fake" like, he's there but he's not there physically. i've been trying long and hard to make this thing work, and don't get me wrong, its working, its just that now its getting close and i'm starting to get impatient, which ultimately leads to my agitation.

whatever. blah. maybe i'm crazy.



current mood: blah
current music: [crystal castles] black flag]

(1last stretch | and my heart stays in the lead)

Thursday, May 8th, 2008
7:10 pm - all the feelings you got for me is never a dog...
sorry for not updating!!

so i heard from baruch and i got into the business school :) i'll be going there in fall 2008 for human resource management yessssss i'm so excited.

my sister is going to be dorming this semester because baruch took way too long to give me a response so she applied for housing and got her roommate and everything so thats already set. but thats okay because i can't leave my friends on long island. it would've been too hard to be without them.

i am currently failing calculus and i will have to withdraw from it tomorrow. so that means i don't graduate may 20. but! i am taking the summer course at night during the first summer session and it sucksbecause it runs from 6:30-9:20 monday-thursday for 5 weeks. TOTAL bummer  but what are you going to do? but at least idon't feel SO bad because i know calc is hard for a lot of people, and i'm sure i won't be the first one in the classroom re-taking it. plus i'm withdrawing from honors calc, so its still not as bad.

but yeah, life is kinda dandy, not really. steve is still upstate, hopefully he'll be back home before the end of the month. he's walking around with a cane and has amazing stamena. i am soso happy he's healing as well as he is. i'm going back upstate this weekend to visit him and i can't wait. but i really can't wait for him to come back.

aaaaaanyway i have nothing to do tonight and for the rest of the week. most of my friends are busy doing finals shit but i'm only taking 3 now that i dropped calc, so that lifts a heavy load off my back.

current mood: okay
current music: [el perro del mar] party]

(3last stretches | and my heart stays in the lead)

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008
9:57 am - i don't recall a single care..
i've been really sad since i left him sunday night. i think i would've just been better off not seeing him (juts from an emotional standpoint) because i absolutely loved every second we were together. now that its over its sort of like a withdrawal syndrome. i've been feeling really empty and every time i speak to him i feel alright. but ah. long distance relationships are killer, its hard for me to even deal anymore. between the last one and this its hard to believe that i still even have it in me, except this time its completely worth it, and he's actually going to come back to me eventually.

good news though, the surgeon says he can put pressure on his other leg so he's walking more or less with his crutches. baby steps though, nothing too extravegant (although being able to walk 3 1/2 weeks after you get hit by a tractor trailor is pretty miraculous in itself if you ask me) but at least its a start, and it gives me hope that he'll be back sooner than we both think. he also said 6 more weeks of physical therapy and he'll be good to go. i really hope the time flies.

anyway, its time for me to figure out what i'm doing with my future. i still haven't heard anything from baruch and i'm applying to suny old westbury just as a backup. i suppose we'll see soon enough what the future brings.

current mood: melancholy
current music: [kevin drew] tbtf]

(3last stretches | and my heart stays in the lead)

Tuesday, April 15th, 2008
7:55 pm - i'm afraid i don't have to...

it was a normal day, a day like any other. on my way to human sexuality i saw a guy on crutches and was speeding by me. either my strides are rediculously short, or he was in a rush. i couldn't believe how fast he was going, then i saw him hopping down the stairs and i offered to grab his bagel&drink and we looked at each other and realized that we knew each other. it was my friend john, i hadn't seen him in about a year and his hair was alot longer then. i couldn't believe it i swear to god it was the funniest thing ever. in the meantime i was on the phone with steve telling him how much this kid on crutches reminded me of him hahah SO random.

anyway went to calc, normal business. sat there clueless for another hour and fifteen minutes, what else is new? then i headed over to the studio to record then realized i forgot my discs. its a good thing i recorded technologic last night instead, so i got that covered.

i went over to the bookstore to pickup my cap&gown and let me tell you, gray is not a nice color to graduate in. its like this old doctor's office gray its soooooooo ugly i can't even tell you. but whatever, i'm going to have to throw that shit on may 20th providing i pass calc and accounting part deux ah!

i called steve when i got home and we were on the phone for (as ashamed as i am to admit it) a couple of hours as i was sitting outside admiring the beautiful weather and the heat of the sun beating down on my face as i realized a 1800flowers van go down to my block and make a u-turn. i didn;t think much of it until it stopped in front of my house. i thoguht to myself, who needs flowers? the lady comes up to me and asks me to sign and i do, and then i open up the card and it read: "i love you with all my heart. love teven" aaaaaaaand i cried. i was in such shock(and awe) that he would be so amazing and send me beeeeeautiful white daisys. ugh what an amazing person. the best part is that he was on the phone with me the whole time this was happening so he was witnessing me freak out and cry (along with my creepy nextdoor neighbor playing catch with his kid) but oh my god i was such a shock you have no idea.

things like that remind me that everything i'm doing will be worth it in the end. i sincerely feel so lucky to have someone who appreciates me and loves me so much. i'll be going upstate friday night to see him, and i honestly can't even wait.



current mood: excited
current music: [the sea and cake] two dolphins]

(2last stretches | and my heart stays in the lead)

Thursday, April 10th, 2008
2:40 pm - in my leisure suiteeeeeeeeeeeee doo doo do do do dooooooo...

steven left today, he's upstate now starting the recovery process for a month and some. its going to be hard not seeing him every day. even when we were just friends before we were going out we saw each other every day. its sad, but i know he's going to have an amazing recovery. i'm worried that the physical therapists won't be too good up there,  but i think its only because i don't really know anything about orange county's healthcare standards. i know long island and manhattan have the best to offer, and i really hope its the same up there. i suppose we won't really know until theres some feedback.

anyway today we went to the covanta garbage burning plant for environmental. it was interesting how a guy's job is to take a giant crane and sift through garbage all day. its like playing with a giant claw and looking for large items like refrigerators and whatnot. i took the liberty to ask if they have found any corpses yet, and she said there was always someone in every group that asks that question. but unfortunately, the answer was no. what a bummer.

today is a beautiful day though, the weather is warm and the sun is shining pretty brightly. i hope i can get a job doing HR or something. i went to the job fair on campus today and it seemed pretty promising. i gave out my resumee a couple of times. hopefully i can get a job doing HR for the media or something, i would absolutely love that. 

ugh the wedding is this weekend and i'm rreally not looking forward to it. i mean to start, steve won't be going and i was actually planning on taking him anyway even before we were dating (and before i even liked him too). he got a suit and everything, but i suppose we'll have use for that another time or something. plus, my aunt and irwin are really weird together. i feel like for both of them its just a convenient relationship, i don't think theres any love there. i know its sad to say, especially considering the fact that al&i are both the only bridesmaids but its so true. its going to make me sick to see these two people lie to god and pronounce their unconditional love for each other. maybe its just an unconditional need for companionship more than anything, but i doubt theres any love, they're very awkward together. hopefully i'll get too wasted to care on sunday and hopefully i won't puke in the car either. 



current mood: blah
current music: [broken social scene] cause=time]

(and my heart stays in the lead)

Monday, April 7th, 2008
12:56 pm - baby i'm amazed at the way you love me all the time...

blaaaah i really don't want to go to school today. i have an accounting test, and i just spent an hour and a half doing the online quiz thing and who knows how that went.

i really lost interest in school.its just too overwhelming. especially accounting... we skipped over the ONLY chapter that would've been valuable to my future (payroll accounting), and to me that is just a total waste. its crummy that they make business majors take accounting II, i think that should be reserved more for accounting and finance students. blah.

i'm excited to see steve at glen cove today, i'm sort of sad because i don't want him to go back upstate once his rehab treatment is all done and whatnot. i want to move out of my house come summer and once steve is better. we want to look for some cottages or some studio apartments to live in on the island. it would probably be better because i STILL don't know if i got accepted to baruch(and its not looking too good), and because of hte accident, he'll probably be a semester behind in school, and his college and work are in farmingdale and i doubt he'll leave those anytime soon. so we'll see what happens. i saw a few good deals on craigs list, and i wouldn't mind working during the day and going to school at night.

i think it woudl be better for my sister to dorm her first year at FIT so she can make some friends and such. i know she's in a sticky spot right now in her senior year, and i'm sure she'll meet some cool people there. if we got an apartment in bklyn or osmethin git would be terribly expensive and a pain to commute, and i think al would have a good time with some friends there instead. i feel bad cuz i really want us all to live together but i want her to be socially happy, and as much as we love the city, the turn of events have really made things harder. but theres still time so we'll see what happens i suppose.



current mood: nervous
current music: [blockhead] the strain]

(1last stretch | and my heart stays in the lead)

Saturday, April 5th, 2008
11:30 pm - lets find a beautiful place to get lost...
so the month of march has been absolute hell.

to start, my sister got into a car accident in the beginning of the month (she wasn't driving, but she was the only one in the car with a seat belt, yet she got injured most out of all hte passengers) and ended up getting stitches in her head. but thankfully, she's alright now, and she has no permanent injuries.

almost 2 weeks ago, steve was in a car accident as well. he crashed into a tractor trailer on south oyster bay road in the middle of the afternoon (fault is still to be determined) and they cut open his car and airlifted him to NUMC. worst day of my life. he suffered from two broken femurs and had to get surgery to insert titanium rods into them that night. he was in ICU for a few days and lost about half his blood. i stayed in the hospital with him that week as much as i could, sometimes even 12 hours a day. it was terrible seeing him in that much pain, and if you saw the pictures of the accident, you wouldn't believe that he is still alive. he looks amazing though, no upper body injuries, nothing to the CNS, back, or brain. everything is great right now except for the fact that he can't walk because of the broken femurs. they finally transferred him to a really great rehab facility up in glen cove earlier this week, and he's learning how to pivit on one leg to transfer from bed to walker, and go up the stairs with his good leg. he's going to need a lot of time to heal, but if any of you have seen or know him, he'll bounce back quick. he's a healthy guy and has a lot of determination as well.

its so weird how things like these happen. i just had lunch with him earlier that day, and we were talking about our plans for later that night. we had also planned a vacation to key west for the first week in june (like i mentioned in the last post) but i doubt thats going to happen this summer. thats not on the top of my worry list though. obviously my first concern is for him to get better and feel better as soon as possible. hopefully his parents don't take him back upstate, but there is no reason that they wouldn't, he can't drive, he can't get up stairs(yet).

even though i really didn't need this to happen, (i got my fix from my sister getting into the accident 10 days prior to this) but it really makes you realize how important people are in your life. when you say goodbye to someone as they're going off to an interview, or going to a friend's birthday party, it could be the last time you see them. i'm so lucky to have a guardian angel looking over the two most important people in my life. right now its so hard to take things for granted. every time i look at steve i realize how lucky he is, and how grateful i am to have him living and breating in front of me.. his injuries are recoverable, time and love are the only remedy.

current mood: grateful
current music: [cut copy] nobody lost, nobody found]

(1last stretch | and my heart stays in the lead)

Wednesday, March 5th, 2008
11:02 am - is it a tombstone?
so i just came back from nassau because (i know this is probably going to sound absurd to anyone who does not go to nassau) there was absolutely NO PARKING. i got there at 930 on the dot, when my class was going to start, and the parking lot was jam packed to the max. and worst of all, there were about 30 other cars circling around looking for parking spots as well. i circled around for about 15 minutes and since everybody was in class and nobody would get out for another hour, it was pretty much hopeless. especially with all the crazy guineas backing into their parking spots that they like to steal from those who were patiently waiting with their directionals on. it wasn't even worth it to me.

ahhhhhhh key west is soon i'm so excited, in about 3 months and i'll be in that tropical paridise with my guinea. 

we watched 2 episodes of soul train that were recorded from late night tv on the DVR and its incredible how the styles are coming back rediculously. i really enjoy watching films from the past because it really is a window to history and i just like observing people and their mannerisms. right now i'm watching some videos from tangerine dream and its crazy to see the cinametography and video production techniques from the 60s and 70s to the introduction of the information age. its so incredibly interesting to experience the pioneering of early electonic music through these videos. 

okay, time to study for environmental.

current mood: okay
current music: [felix da housecat] wear it well]

(1last stretch | and my heart stays in the lead)

Thursday, February 14th, 2008
7:38 pm - now you have a brighter smile and i think i'm going to like it...
never in my life have i ever been so afraid to go to school. why? the answer is in one word...

calculus.

i know some of you have probably taken it already and think i'm a puss for saying that but i am just not a good number cruncher, and better yet, i have no logical skills. i always have this sense of fear every tuesday, wednesday, and thursday because i always feel like such a moron, especially since i'm in an honors class. but even so, it looks better to getting c in honors calc then regular calc right? bahh i don't know. i feel so stupid every time i go into that class and because my vision is bad i'm always squinting or making weird faces and my professor thinks that i just don't know. most of hte time that is the case, but there are times when i do understand but i just don't look like i do hahah. i can't wait to get my glasses ugh i hate being blind.

anyway i'm hoping to catch this 6 degrees thing on national geographic tonight since i'm not really doing anything. i already baked some valentine funfetti cookies for when steve gets out of class later tonight, and i'm probably going to bring the rest to work so the hogs and devour them at 10 o'clock in the morning. 

i'm probably going out to dinner with my pa tonight, i'm pretty excited. my mom has been in peru since sunday so he's been companion-less, so i might as well keep him company since steve's still in class and whatnot. but it'll be nice to spend some time with my pops.

current mood: okay
current music: [hot chip] one pure thought]

(1last stretch | and my heart stays in the lead)

Tuesday, February 12th, 2008
1:33 pm - why don't kidnapped children run away from their abductors?
i've got a busybusybusy march ahead of me, fun fun.

in march i'm
seeing mstrkrft with sophia!
justice/chromeo/djmehdi at wamu
aunt's bridal shower
interview caribou with mike for ultrasoundlounge
fight yet another parking ticket
plug awards!
greg dulli and the gutter twins with steveee
spring break!
whew.

but for valentines day we're not doing much, and i'm actually really happy about that. i hate it when people make a fuss over valentines day and make such a big deal about it. frankly, i don't need a made up hallmark holiday to make me show my love to someone. i mean yeah its cute getting flowers and jewelery and all that stuff, but for what? i'd rather just get suprised on a random day, because thats pretty much what valentines day is... to me at least.

stupid basketball games have been cutting into the ultrasound lounge so we're off once again this saturday. but record companies are finally sending us new cds so we can air them so that makes our lives easier. plus the free show perks are fun too.

on another note, its so suprising how nobody in my human sexuality class knew the anatomy of the penis this morning. its not even that they were shy, they just truly didn't know. i felt like such a dude because i was one of the only ones that knew where the prostate was. WTF boys, learn your parts.

lunch now, mmmmmmmmmm.

current mood: good
current music: [digitalism] idealistic]

(2last stretches | and my heart stays in the lead)


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